Ross Buswell • Atmospherics

Eldest Daughter Gothic

Your youngest sibling is in tears. You do not know why. Is it your fault? 

You are doing the dishes. You are always doing the dishes. You never finish. 

She loves you. She hates you. You’re her favorite. She only cares about your siblings. She never wanted to be a mother. She loves you.

You have a headache. Again. You are starting to forget what it feels like not to have a headache.

Everything is too much. You are going to shatter. But you cannot. 

If you give out, so will everything else

She is angry, ranting about something you said. You do not remember the last time you spoke. She is still angry.

Your younger sibling is ten years old. No, that can't be right. You are ten years old. They must still be an infant. But they’re graduating fifth grade now, and you realize that you are in high school. You did not notice the change.

She keeps yelling. You wonder if she is yelling at herself.

You’ve heard that 3am is meant to be unnerving. For you, it has only ever meant the comfort of being the last one left awake. Is there something wrong with you?

This is all you have ever known, so why does it feel so wrong?

Up my spine at Passo Falzarego

Louise Roe

black hole sun

Snoqualmie, Washington

The Garden Book, 1984

without arts & crafts we are in hell

so...

source

Glacier Peak Circumnavigation by williswall

I am a mosaic of everyone I have ever known and loved and touched and I find fragments of them in my playlists and how I make my tea. we may not know each other any more but we will stay connected like this. I hope a fragment of me is with you too.

i get it now

(Hegel’s Philosophy of Right, Introduction, last paragraph of section 22 to first paragraph of section 24) Freedom comes through the deep understanding of one’s subjectivity in relation to universal existence. Freedom is one’s awareness of interdependence which has limitless scope.