New Beginnings - Blog Posts

Time may be a concept created by humans but it lets us have a moment of rebirth many of us need. Take this chance to create a you that makes you feel great everyday

Words for the new year from me

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁08.may.2024. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁

I'd like to leave my description in that order (,,>﹏<,,)

but I don't know what I'm doing wrong that it won't stay, so I left it as it is.

(╥﹏╥)

It's been a while since I've posted anything due to the busyness of my life and the loss of a very important person in my life.

But I've decided to change the way and what I post about here, because it's a hobby I'd like to get back to and keep. (๑>◡<๑)

I actually like ordinary everyday life content, but I don't have the courage to vlog, so posting here is what fits best. ᓚ₍ ^. .^₎

I hope you enjoy it! What I'm planning is giving me a bit of encouragement to keep going!

🫧𓇼𓏲*ੈ✩‧₊˚🎐 ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

It’s happening y’all! She needs some support and encouragement to ‘get it up’ and running.

Everything she has wanted to do here and without restriction.

I’m just as excited as you all are!

Hi Hi loves, UPDATE I have been putting out feelers here for Only Fans, to see if there is interest. I’ve gotten many requests over the years since Tumblrgeddon for this but I wasn’t quite sure if the plunge was called for. With you in mind, I am putting out pavers to see if there is truly any interest for me to post my archived photos and stories for you to enjoy. I have to acquire a business license but for you I present a gift, and she needs played with. Here for you to interact until I need to set tiers. I give you, MY OF. Cum on over and bid me welcome to my new home. ~xoxo Mal~

list 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox of the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you!

(Excluding me since I just liked some of your stuff. You're really good at drawing btw!! :D Im gonna eat your art, it's very tasty :P)

Awww thx for ur sweet words my first question im soo happy <D i always get happy when ppl notice my art

So for the like the 5 things makes me happy is 1 my bestie 2 food 3 family 4 when ppl show kindness anywhere 5 when ppl ask me like u did or notice my art <3

I been trying to always get notice but i usually always ignored 🙁

And not that many reposted my art actually so ur last request idk if i can do it not everyone reposted me 😅👍

But im grateful for u asking me <3

I also have tt and yt account <3

Have a nice day :) ❤

New adventures in Mexico ❤️

Loving this, been house hunting for a long time and finally found what I've been looking for.

The Addison

40x40 lot

$166,493 | $106,319

5 bd/4 ba

May use items from World Adventures, Ambitions, Late Night, Generations, Pets, Showtime, Supernatural, Seasons, University Life, Island Paradise and Into the Future. This lot is CC-free.

DOWNLOAD HERE

消去された

~The town without me~ by Kayo Hinazuki

When I get bigger, bigger enough to go somewhere by myself, I want to go to a land that’s far away.

I want to go to an faraway island.

I want to go to an island that has no people.

I want to go to an island that has no pain or sadness.

On that island, I can climb a tree when I want to climb, swim in the sea when I want to swim, and sleep when I want to sleep.

When I think about the town without me, I feel a sense of relief.

I want to go far, far away.

Leonard Cohen, Beautiful Losers

FINALLY COMING TO REALIZATION

( if you don’t want to read the whole thing which I don’t blame you lol scroll down to the last bit <3 )

I have officially decided that i have everything i want and don’t care if the 3d shows me different because i know it’s not real. i am done entertaining the old story. I have stopped caring about irrelevant things . I’m living as the person who has already has it. if i got it in imagination then im good. i have became the person i always wanted to be.

that was a little vaunt/rant i wanted to say before i get into what i really want to talk about. I have came to the realization that i have been wasting time and energy into methods. (If you like/love doing methods and it works for you then keep continuing to do so <3) I tried meditating , the lullaby method,yoga nidra and so much more. when i found another method i gave up on the method doing before and went to the next. I even went back to the previous methods that did not work for me the first time desperately hoping that they would work. I was seeing angel numbers everyday multiple times (still do) so that was giving me hope. There were times i would get frustrated with the void/the law and just cry. Now im going to tell you what i personally think held me back ( btw i no longer identify with these things anymore!) i always used to procrastinate a lot and i would give myself these lectures and still did the same thing i told myself I was not going to do. I started getting more into states i found it interesting kinda. I even made an alter ego ( Miss Arianna Avalyń) that did help me with confidence I still use avalyń time from time. all Im really trying to say is the power is not in the method but its within YOU. I thought I had to affirm for hours or certain amount of time for the affirmations to really work but now I consider affirming once saturating my mind because it repeats a zillion times. I made my own rules. I’ve gotten into the state of knowing I already have what I want and don’t have to do anything else. most important part⇩

To make this simpler : YOU have all the power and control. YOU make the rules. YOU are God. everything starts and ends with YOU. YOU are limitless and YOU can do this <3 !

Rave & Star <3 .

Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering 'it will be happier'.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

Great quote and important message to remember.

Torn...

When I think of that song. I immediately think of One Direction. I know that they did a cover of Natalie Imbruglia's song, but I still love their version to bits. I was a huge One Direction fan. I still listen to some of their songs like "Perfect" and "Infinity", I still wear my hoodie from their concert. I even listen tonsome of the musid they have made as solo artists ("Miss You" by Louis Tomlinson is amazing). But that's not the focus of this post.

So recently I made up my mind and I decided to let go. I had let go of Leonard, of everything around him and that whole situation he was going through. I was happy. I was happy to let go and move on with my life. Somehow, he always just knows. He knows when I'm happy and need to move on, because today he sent me a text, he's happy apparently. Things are starting to sort themselves out, but he wants to fix things with his friends. Starting with me apparently...

So now I am torn. I just started getting over everything and moving on. I was starting to accept things as they are and life was great, then this happened...

I have two options here. I can work things out with him and risk everything. Meaning I can fix things with him, but that would also mean risking my sanity and my feelings. I just don't want to get hurt again. I really don't. It was bad enough last year.

Or, I can tell him to shove it and move on with my life. I mean, he even admitted that if we try and fix things, I'm hardly ever going to see him, he just said "But we'll talk". I dunno. I mean that doesn't really seem like he's going to put any effort into building our friendship again...

So now I am torn. I want to fix things, because I really missed having a best friend. But I don't know if it's worth it getting close to someone again if there is a possibility of getting hurt again...

This is for the Best

So, if you've read the last few posts. I'm sure you've already guessed what this post is about.

I've decided to give my former best friend a pseudo name. I'm sure it's kinda hard keeping up with my previous posts without a name. I think I'll call him Leonard as he actually reminds me of Leonard from Big Bang Theory...

I guess that things have been okay since I posted last. It's just that I'm pretty much just trying to keep up with things at college. Which is good. It's given me the distraction I need. I need to be constantly distracted these days. It's weird. I mean I feel fine, but as soon as I see him, my mood drops and I feel like I don't know how to act or react anymore...

Leonard seemed fine today though. A little psycho and a little on edge, but fine. He started talking to a few people today. People, not me, other people. He doesn't bother himself to even greet me anymore. I said psycho because well, he came to college without shoes today. So that's new. It was kinda weird, but maybe it's part of him finding himself. I mean, I'm in place to judge. I went to college in high waisted shorts and black sneakers with "Love" written in a ribbon...

I still found it kinda weird. The whole "no shoes" thing. I mean college is no place to be walking around with no shoes. I've seen people spill way too many things on the floor. I know it's not clean. But hey. It's his choice. It's all been his choice. I realised today that I don't deserve to have to beg to be in his life. At the end of the day. He chose to kick me out. In a way, maybe I should've seen this coming, I mean considering everything that happened last year, I was thinking of cutting him out of my life, so why would it be surprising that he cut me out of his?

I realised that this might be a good thing. I mean, he gets whatever he wants, space from me or whatever he shouted last time I wanted to talk. I, however, get something greater. I get a new identity. Before, people just knew me as "the girl that always hangs out with Leonard". Now I get to be my own person, form my own identity before I leave college. This is good for me. I don't only have an identity based on him. I get to have friends that aren't just friends of his. I finally have friends of my own. Some of those friends have also given up on him... Just like I have.

I feel like this is what's best. That instead of seeing this as losing someone close to me, I finally see it as an opportunity to find myself again and be the person I want to be. Not who everyone expected me to be as his best friend...

I am trying...

So recently I posted about the situation I am having regarding my former best friend...

I guess you could call this post an update. But it's more just me and my feelings. I guess.

So yeah. He's still going through things. But I feel like it's getting better for him. Because he seemed happy today. He's lucky... I've been having a few bad days recently.

So on Saturday (today is Monday) I messaged him. I told him I miss him. Three simple words, but they have so much meaning. It was true. I did miss him. He's never at college anymore and when he is, he never talks to me, we never hang out. So I miss him. We don't even text anymore.

He replied with "I feel like people don't understand me or how to deal with me". Thanks... Like, everyone wants to hear that after they tell someone they miss them... I didn't get it. Like if that's what you're gonna say, maybe it would've been better if you didn't reply at all... I needed my best friend. This last week was really hard, but I'll explain that in my next post...

He then asked me what people actually want from him. I told him that I didn't know, but explained that I just wanted my best friend back. I wanted to feel like I was still important to him. I wanted to go back to having 3am weird conversations and comparing our knowledge of superheroes and anime. I just wanted him in my life again. But I guess that won't happen because he just replied with "Wow..."

That's when I realised it. I realised that I wasn't important to him anymore. That I wasn't a factor in his life. He acted so normal today. Well, from the way he acted around everyone else. I decided that I needed to act normal too. Like everything was okay.

Usually. I use my college campus as a sanctuary. A place where everything is normal and I can get away from the drama that is my family and home life. However, now I can't run because the problem is on campus. So instead, I pretend. I hang out with all my other friends. People who actually care. When I spoke to other people about this they told me to just forget it. That it wasn't worth it. I knew this already, but hearing it from other people made me realise how real it was. How much I actually had to do this.

At the end of last year I started to feel like he was just using me. When he was broke, I was there, paying for his Ubers and buying him lunch. He wouldn't even say thank you. He would just take the money or the food and hang out with other people. When he couldn't print his assignments, I was there with my inkjet printer. And when I had no ink I would run and print at a printing house. But I never received a thank you for that either... I never expected him to pay me back for any of this (which he hasn't) , but I atleast wanted to feel like I was appreciated.

He blamed me for a lot. He said that the reason he never wanted to be around me was because I give a lot of negative energy. Ironically I was negative because of him. I was negative because he would ask me for all these favours and never return them or even say thank you. I was also going through a lot with my family. My aunt and uncle are always fighting or complaining. My brother and sister are never home, so their anger gets taken out on me... All the complaining and fighting and anger, I put up with that...

Funny enough, he has a lot of negative energy these days. I'm trying to stay positive. This is our last year in college. I need to make it count. So that is why I decided to let him go. Completely this time. I feel like I'm stuck in a routine. I tell myself to let him go and leave him. Stop being there. But then I see him and he looks like death so I give in and try to help him. He pushes me away and I give up, only for the process to start again in a few days. So now. I need to do this. This isn't me giving up on him. This is me giving him space and wishing him well, but putting myself first.

The pain of letting go won't be as bad as the pain I felt trying to stay...